Love and Relationships
Article
Study Guide
Audio Dharma Talk
What is the role of the Self in spiritual development? What we think of as being the Self is really our ego, which is a useful, organizing complex within our body of experience. The ego has a sense of boundaries and helps us discern whether our boundaries are wholesome or unwholesome. Boundaries may be sexual, physical, or involve possession and may entail a lover, family, or a group of people. Buddhist precepts show us how to respect boundaries, both our own and those of others.
Moffitt traces the origins of romantic love to courtly love that arose in the Middle Ages and which focused on a spiritual dimension that was awakened in the lovers. When we investigate relationship in the light of the dharma, we are going back to the roots of Western thought. The tools of mindfulness can help us see that a lot of our suffering in any kind of relationship, not just romantic, comes from grasping and wanting it to be a certain way.
Moffitt elaborates on how the dharma shows up in love relationships. He describes four types of unhealthy relationships and how the dharma can help us discern what is unhealthy. He also talks of mutuality in healthy relationships and how dharma precepts serve these. Lastly, there is the possibility of attaining moments of the relationship Martin Buber called “I-Thou” and which is inherently part of our Buddha nature.
